I AM, A FIGHTER.

"story about one woman, recounting of a flash back about her past few years life experience, where she was trapped inside a terrible war and she had to face tough decisions  and fight for everything."

Here i am, in my small Hut where once i shared my time and Love with Pham Hung Dung, my husband.
remembering the first time we meet on 1949, where he look terribly weak but yet so interesting. especially when he weaken me by his powerful and beautiful poem.
its still funny how can a boyish girl like me, falling in love with a guy like him.
the way he looked at me in the eye..
the way his small arm hold me tight..
so deep.. so soft.. and warm..

uh..

i think i've been a really tough woman these past few years..
i still cant believe for myself that i can bear with this big pressure in my heart..
Letting my husband go to war in 1955.
putting my belief that he will survive with his weak and small body in that terrible hell.
Letting my one and only son migrate to america with my brother in 1961.
my 8 years old, little boy.. gone from me and that might be forever..
what he's doing right now..? Did he survive evacuating with my brother and his wife?
praying is my only option..thinking it must be tough for Hao to live without his real mother and father..

it feels just like yesterday..
me and Hung.. still being together and holding our first born child..
Hao looks so beautiful.. like a gift from heaven..
Hung cried.. thanking God that im still alive..
and also thanking that he got a baby boy..
nothing could replace that moment..
one from a few best moments of my life..

hm.. yeah..i think im really a tough woman..
i guess there are not many girls living with the same experience like mine..
stabbing a jerk american when he tried to rape me..
being the  planner to escape from the South Vietnam army when they arrested all of us, woman from North Vietnam, because we tried to help our own injured army.
seeing so many crying and screaming soldiers, amputating limbs off their body, surrounded with a lot of dead bodies when we try to take out bullets from their profusely bleeding injury.
yeah.. I AM, A FIGHTER..

And just today..i meet a really young photographer..
he said his name was Nick Ut (Huỳnh Công Út).
a really naive boy yet look so competent.
he knocked on my house door and when i opened it,
he was standing over with a sad face and asked,
"Chau Hong kim..?"
"Yes?", I answered him..
then.. he take one leaf from his pocket..
small leaf with dried blood mark around it,
then he put it on top of my head and cover it with his hand.

just like the way My husband, Hung, usually does..

then, a tear come out from my eyes..
followed with it's friends..
i understand everything just with that movement..
"Sorry.. i love you.."
just two word that he really meant to say when he did our own love symbol.

My husband, was gone..
forever..

Do I really fight? or am i just surrendering everything?
let anything happen to me and just wait for the result?

am i.. a fighter...?